It’s funny how after I got engaged I thought it would be more fun, as a girl anyway. You know, the looking through Brides magazines, having a shower, making engagement pictures, registering, shopping for things like the dress, the shoes the veil, picking my colors and theme and such. Yet it has been the loneliest engagement.
My fiancée is in another state getting things wrapped up so we haven’t been together. Just a small trip where we got the marriage licensee together. We were supposed to have a friend take some pictures for us during that trip as well so we could use as engagement pictures here but that seemed to not materialize after she offered to do it for us. It was doubly sad because I figured it would be some time for her and my guy get to know each other a bit. Had I known it was an empty offer, I would have then made plans with someone else and then I would have engagement pictures.
My mom has been sick. So she just didn’t have the energy, desire or just feel well enough to be involved in anything. Even though finally my mom has gotten better and has more of her energy back, she still doesn’t seem to be reaching out to do things with me about the wedding. I call and she doesn’t call back. She doesn’t seem to ask me much about the wedding plans or just call or email me much. I really don’t know why. Most of my engagement she was sick – so I did everything by myself or had my fiancée help me through long distance emails or calls in helping to pick things out. But it just isn’t the same with him not here.
So I registered by myself at the stores. It would have been nice to share that with someone like a friend or my mom or my fiancée. I can’t even do anything with my future sister in law or mother in law as they live overseas.
None of my personal friends offered to throw me a shower. A couple of co-workers from work offered and are going to do it. It just surprised me that my friends didn’t offer. At one point I asked my mom if we could have the shower at her and my dad’s place. They have the perfect home and space for entertaining and she seemed to not like that idea at all and tried to get me to look at different restaurants to host the shower at. So again, something else I was to research on my own. Something I should not be researching for the bridal shower. To be honest that sort of made me mad. I don’t want my guests to pay for food when they are buying me a wedding gift for my shower so just told the hostess let’s have it at her place. My place is too small. That honestly bothered me that my mom didn’t want it at her house. Maybe my mom is just too tired and old and so she just doesn’t want to do this stuff.
Then I was supposed to go hunting for my cowboy boots to wear with the wedding dress this weekend. My friend offered to do that with me. Sounds like fun right? So when the time came it didn’t happen again. So I went by myself as usual. All of my life I do seem to do things alone. I guess I’m going to shop by myself for my dress and veil too. I’m sure when people come to find out I picked out my dress and veil without asking them, they’ll seem all hurt and shocked I didn’t ask them.
Maybe I’m being selfish or uber sensitive. I don’t know. I don’t get it. I thought when a lady gets engaged, her friends and family gush and rush to do these things with her and want to share in these things. I just don’t know. I get that the world can’t revolve around me and other people have their own problems and lives and all. I get that. I guess I’m just mistaken about how this was supposed to go and I’m really getting emotional about it. Maybe it’s my hormones. Maybe I just got married too late in life when everyone is older and on with their lives too deeply. I’m sure had I been in my 20’s maybe it would be different. Maybe I expect too much. Whatever it is, it still hurts my feelings.