I had two dates this week. Well one was an actual date and the other was more like a meet and greet. These were both interesting to say the least.
The first date was with a guy I met off of Match.com and I’m going to call him Mr. Rich Canadian. We talked on the phone for a bit and set up a date. We decided to meet at one of the restaurants at the Biltmore Fashion Square in Phoenix since he lived on the east side and I on the west.
The restaurant was nice, dinner was good and Mr. Rich seemed like a pleasant guy. The problem? All he did was talk about himself the entire time. About his job, how successful he was, that he’s Canadian and has a house there and has a house here in Phoenix and planning on building a third here, how he spends most of his time playing golf, his cars, how much he travels and on and on. I was polite. I listened and continue to ask questions about him and contribute to the conversation as much as I could. The guy didn’t ask me one damn question about myself almost the entire time. It wasn’t until after he finished his meal before he finally asked me something about myself.
It reminded me of when I briefly attended DeVry when I first moved here and some guy pursued me pretty hard to go on a date with him. I finally agreed and he did the same thing. Spent the entire time talking about himself and how great he was. It wasn’t until he finished eating that he finally and abruptly asked me a question. Oh and what a wonderful question it was, “So… tell me your life story.” Uh… yeah ok. Two min. after getting into something about myself, he would interrupt and revert the conversation about himself again. Jerk.
I have run into a few of these. What is it with these guys? Do they feel the need to over impress me or something? I’m not into money and status. Don’t get me wrong, money is nice and does make life more comfortable and secure, but it is not why I date men. I’d be just as happy dating someone who was didn’t make all that much money in their line of work, just as long as they were not lazy and without any goals in life. I would love to be proud of my guy and see him do well but it doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be like this guy and shove all of your achievements at me.
But then I wonder if I’m being too judgmental. Maybe these guys are just really, really nervous being on a first date and so they become Lloyd Dobler from Say Anything with the “nervous talking thing.” I just find it odd that you are going on a first date to meet someone new and you don’t care enough to know about the other person sitting across from you. Maybe these people have become so successful and use to people just listening to them that they have forgotten how to really communicate. Or maybe he just wasn’t feeling me so there was no interest. I don’t know…. but I do know this, it’s a major turn off. Will I be dating him again? That’s a no-go. I don’t care how many cars or homes you have.
The second guy I met off of eHarmony and if you have ever been a member of that one, then you know it’s a long drawn out process to communicate with someone on such a controlling site. I’ll call him Mr. Reservist. He is in the Army Reserves and just came back from Iraq where he performed as a medic. His civilian job now that he is back has something to do with working in a blood lab.
When we finally got passed all the eHarmony red tape we talked on the phone. We had a great conversation and then decided to meet quickly over coffee. When I saw him in person, and this is going to sound shallow, I was disappointed. He really did not look anything like his picture and he only had one on the site. He was very pudgy, had facial hair and dressed like a slob. I wasn’t attracted to him.
We met at a location and then we got in his car to drive around and look for the restaurant of our choice. I have to say this and it will make me sound bad again. He smelled weird. His car smelled weird. Not like foul or body order or anything like that. Kind of like when you go inside someone’s home for the first time and it just has it’s own smell? It doesn’t smell like anything in particular, it’s just a smell. I kept thinking of that line with Mike Myers character in So I Married An Axe Murderer and he broke up with a girl because she “smelled like soup.”
This guy was much more personable though. He was very interested in a two way conversation. Very friendly. Very nice guy. We actually had some really good conversation. But…. I just wasn’t attracted to him. I know that sounds bad but I know my taste and I just couldn’t see myself kissing him or anything else for that matter down the road. I can’t fake something like that and pretend. The most I think I could be with this guy is yes, that dreaded word men hate to hear… “friends.” He looked VERY different from the picture he had on the site – so in a way, he actually misled me. It must have been a very old photo.
Later when he walked me to my car, I could tell he was hoping for a kiss and so I went in for the hug instead and told him it was nice meeting him. He then asked me if I would like to go out again. Damn! Just inches from a clean get away. This is awkward. How do you answer this with someone you have no intention on seeing again and not hurt their feelings? I told him, “I’m not really too sure about that at this point. I’m not sure we are a good match. But It was nice meeting you.” Obviously he was disappointed and I felt bad.
Ahh well. Not everyone digs me either. It’s called dating.