Wants To Have His Cake And Eat It Too

I just got the skinny on Mr. Cocky… and I tell ya, it’s getting very interesting.  If you don’t know the background read this first then this.
So after Mr. Cocky left that message on Wed I finally called him tonight.  We had some chit chat at first and then I got right down to it.  I told him I was surprised to hear from him and didn’t think he was interested since I didn’t put out.  In so many words anyway.  He laughed and said no.  He went on to say how he has been in the process of starting his own business and has been very busy, etc. and so on… blah, blah, fuckity blah.  Yeah. Yeah. *does the man jerk off motion with my hand*
I then went on to say to him that I didn’t appreciate being told I would be called on Wed to finalize date plans for that weekend to then NOT be called at all.  Twice no less.  He then did say I was right and he was wrong and did apologize for that.  He said that there isn’t any excuse for that even if people get busy, they should still call because he would expect that same courtesy.  He actually did sound sincere about that and I’m sure he knows he messed up.  I made damn sure he knew that was NOT cool with me.
He did at one point make the excuse of “I wasn’t sure if you were into me, etc.”  I made the comment to him that it was a shame because I thought we hit it off in conversation on our first phone call and date.  Then he goes into this whole thing about dating and what people are looking for and how it is unrealistic that people have their “lists” or “expectations” of what they are looking for.  blah, blah, blah again.  This came out of left field to me and I wondered what brought this on.  In my surprise I asked him if I gave him that impression because I thought we were just two people having dinner and good conversation.  He said no, I didn’t.  With that answer to my question I was still puzzled what brought all that on.
Then he suddenly lays it on the line about what he is looking for.  He goes on to say how he is a very, very busy person with his work and life, etc.  He is not expecting to find “the one” and can commit to “heavy” dating or relationships.  He doesn’t have expectations and is looking to meet nice people to have some great conversation with or do things with and yes, physical intimacy with them.  That maybe they go out a few times a month to have these “good times.”    He went on to say how he was attracted to me and wanted go on dates and he wasn’t going to lie, he wanted to be physical with me (he used more blunt words). He kept going on and saying how most women seem to only want relationships and unrealistically go right into that frame of mind when dating.  He was being honest, that he just can’t commit right off the bat with someone that he is going date them exclusively.  But… if things were to progress naturally to where he would want to see more of the woman, then so be it.  He said that most women don’t want to hear that or can’t seem to deal with that.
I of course was taken a back by all of this.  My jaw was on the floor.  But I tried to be really composed and really just stop reacting in my head and just focus on really listening to him.  I had to realize he was talking to me in “man language” and not man to woman language.
My first reaction in my mind to all of this was wow, what the hell brought all this on?  I have never mentioned relationships, marriage, commitment or any of that nonsense in all the times we have communicated.  And quite frankly… I DON’T view dating that way.  Dating quite simply, is just that.  You meet people and see if you click or not and if it progresses great, if not either settle with what you do have or move on.  But then I thought well… maybe he is just tried of going through it all with other women and decided not to waste time and just lay it on the line with me up front of what he is looking for.  He wasn’t an asshole about it.  He honestly just cut to the chase.  I will say this, at least he was honest about it. 
The funny thing is, almost all single men feel the same exact way he does.  They just want to meet some cool girls to have a few laughs with and bang on occasion.  End of story.  They are not looking for a girlfriend, wife, complications, change their life, etc.  They just want to eat, sleep, work, sports, drink, laugh and bang.  Now I KNOW that it’s not all.  I know men DO want closeness with someone and to be in love, etc.  However, it has to happen to men unexpectedly.  On accident basically.  Men will deny wanting the relationship, until they do happen to meet that one and then… bam.  It just happens.  Even to the players.  For the most part it happens that way for women too.  The difference is, women look for it more and seek it out.  Men don’t. 
I basically told him I felt the same way about dating with the exception of just jumping into the sack.  I told him, “You are worried about women coming with expectations, yet you need to understand you can’t have certain expectations of me either.”  The sword slices both ways my friend.
So after some convo on that topic he tells me he would still like to get together.  I paused for a moment and told him, “How about this, let’s have one more phone conversation first and then we’ll go from there.  Fair enough?”  He thought that was great idea and told me to call him Tuesday and then if it’s a go we can do something that same week. 
So…. we’ll see just how this goes.  This is definitely a 50/50 thing.  The better part of me knows what time it is with him but I’m going in with eyes wide open.  This is definitely a guy I cannot have a date with that involves going to my place or his.  Public dates only.  If he thinks I’m putting out for him after a few dates, he’s got another thing coming.  Even though he was honest with me, rushing to get a women into bed on a date is a no-no.  Take notes men.  Big no-no.  Just like if women brought up wanting marriage and kids with you on the first date or in the first few dates.  Big no-no.
Don’t cha just love the tales of a single girl in her 30’s peoples?  It’s like Melrose Place and shit!

2 Responses to “Wants To Have His Cake And Eat It Too”

  1. 3rdtimesacharm( 3T ) Says:

    I completely enjoy these tales! I think I’m living a little vicariously through your sigle life, Lori. (Is that OK?) After all I’ve been married for five and a half years…I LOVE hearing of first meetings, and the verbal volleyball that ensues! You’re my new Carrie from SATC, albeit Carrie with morals. 😉

    He sounds a lot like my husband did in the beginning. Although when he discovered all I wanted was a boyfriend with benefits, because I was actually busy enjoying doing things with my friends, he was the one who started acting like a clingy girlfriend. (Shhh, don’t tell him I said that) All this to say you’re right. Even the players change their tune eventually.

    I think, (as you’re doing) be true to yourself while dating.

    Thank you for sharing this part of your life with your readers. I enjoy reading about it, and commenting. 🙂


  2. Martini Girl Says:

    3T, I’m glad you are enjoying my single tales and I don’t mind you reading, commenting and laughing along with me.

    My other friends get a kick out of hearing about my experiences as well. It’s funny because the other two said the same thing about living vicariously through my single life. LOL

    I have to admit, as much as dating can be a pain sometimes, it is a lot of fun too. It’s like everything else in life, has it’s good and bad points.

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