Your Husband Comes First

I’m watching an episode of Supernanny tonight, a show I like and I still get baffled at the way people parent their kids with no rules or discipline and let these kids get away with murder.
But I have to say one thing that gets me is how some women are with their kids.  This episode showed how these parents of 3 little girls allowed them to sleep with their mother in the parents bed and the father would end up in one of the kids beds.  The father said he hadn’t slept in his own bed with his wife for about 7 or 8 years.  The Supernanny was amazed they were till together.  I was too. 
That is just a big no-no that I think mommies make.  They put the kids over the needs and affections of their husbands too much.  I’m not saying that the kids are not important and that your best interests for them should come first but I think these women forget to be wives once they become mothers.
Kids need to sleep in their own beds.  Period.  Your husband deserves to have his wife alone some times and one of those times should be at night, in bed.  No exceptions.
One of my friends was visiting me and she and her husband have four year old boy.  She told me when her husband comes to pick her up from the airport, she needs to remember to kiss her husband first.  I said, “Well why wouldn’t you?  Why do you have to remember that?”  She went on to tell me how one time she was on a trip for her work and when she came back she hugged and kissed her kid first and then her husband.  Later the husband told her in so many words that hurt his feelings.  I told her he was absolutely right.  Your love partner comes first in that situation.  Kiss and hug your spouse first and then your children.  Unless of course your kids run towards you way ahead of the spouse – that would be an exception.
One of the other things these women do is not trust their husbands enough in their parenting.  Another friend went on an all getaway trip with me and some other friends, leaving her husband to care for their small child.  Every time I turned around this woman was calling her house but her husband never answered.  She then said, “I don’t understand where they could be, it’s 5:00 pm there and they should be home.”  It was then I told her, “Well you have to understand that you are not there so he has to do everything in your absence.  He has to pick up your son, get gas for the car, do the grocery shopping, pick up dinner, etc.  Or maybe he is in the middle of feeding or bathing your son and can’t stop to answer the phone.  Give the guy a break.”    She said, “Your right, I never looked at it that way.”
Another example from a woman who told me she had to “take over” the dressing of their small child in the mornings from her husband.  She said that some of the things he was dressing her in just didn’t match, etc.  I remember thinking so what?  So the socks don’t match the outfit or the shoes, big deal.  If the kid is not getting professional pictures done, who cares.  Let the father participate and be a father.  This woman would also pick up and baby her sobbing child after the father disciplined the kid.  That is so bad, it erases what the father is trying to teach.
I don’t know… it’s just a hot button with me.  Learn to let go a little bit mommies.  Remember, you were a wife before you were a mother and you still are.

3 Responses to “Your Husband Comes First”

  1. Vox Says:

    I agree with you almost 100% here. My exception would be dressing the kids, just because I know other kids can be very cruel. Trust me, if little Suzy has mismatched socks, some prissy little brat is going to tease her, and probably get other kids to do it, also.

    Easy fix, for everyone involved, is for Mom and the child to pick out the next day’s outfit before bed. In the morning, Dad can get them dressed and have that bonding time without any stress. It is a win-win-win.

    That kids in the bed thing is one of my pet peeves. The parents (usually the mother) act like they do it for the child, but it isn’t. It is bad for children, it slows their emotional & mental development, but Moms don’t like to separate. They don’t like to discipline because it is hard for them and they want to be junior’s friend.

    The parents need to grow up so they can do what is best for their offspring.

  2. Martini Girl Says:

    Vox, the kid was only two and going to daycare so I don’t think others would have made fun of her. When they are that age it’s more about playing, eating and naptime.

    Danger Zone, I could see that situation but these girls were 5 and 7 years old on the show. Way too big for that nonsense. A lot of times I’ll hear moms doing this becaue THEY want the kid in the bed.

  3. pirateking Says:

    John Derbyshire over at NRO had a great article some time back about the best way to raise his kids were by “Benign neglect” and that if you took care of your spouse, your kids will turn out just fine by themselves with limited attention. They won’t be raised to be brats, they’ll be self sufficient but will have a great example of what love is because the parents take care of each other.

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