Is It Called Release?

The crying spells have officially started.  I’m now crying when I talk about my situation out loud to other human beings.  I can’t seem to hold it back.  Is it just pent up frustration trying to be released?
First I get my first bill collector call this morning.  The guy was the biggest dickhead to me.  He said something to me and I forgot was it was but I tried to go on with the sentence starting as, “you don’t understand the situation…..” and started bawling.  Of course he was still a dick.  I tried to offer $20 and he refused.  Yes a bill collector refused money from me.  I said I would have to get back to him and we parted ways.  My near perfect credit is being fucked up before my eyes and without me being able to do anything about it.
I then drove to the bank so I could deposit a measly $100 that may as well been 100 pennies and talk to someone about my mortgage and hello…. not lose my home.  Everyone at this branch was VERY nice.  The guy sat me down and I began to tell him the situation. 
Well I barely got out the first sentence before my voice cracked and started another crying session right there in the bank in front of this mans face at his desk.  I tried like hell to hide it, hold it back as hard as I could and it just wouldn’t work.  I tried stopping and starting again and no matter what words I chose, my voice cracked in mid sentence and out the tears came.  Of course I felt like an ass.  A “stupid emotional woman” that men seem to label us as.  The worst thing a woman can do when she is mad or frustrated because people don’t understand that that is how women under tremendous stress and frustration deal.  It’s beyond our control.  I fucking hate it.  There was a whole episode on this very thing on Sex and the City… but I digress.
Of course what do women do right after something like this?  Yes, we apologize for it.  We shouldn’t but we do.
The guy was very nice.  He couldn’t take care of my mortgage situation but he gave me a number to call and see if they could help.  He and I ended up talking about me looking for a job, my background, MCI, the WorldCom scandal and so on.  He showed me jobs on their website.  I told him I’ve applied to numerous jobs on the Wells Fargo site and never get called.  He did some nice things on my account.  He was still very nice and understanding and told me not to apologize because he understands and that there are many, many people out there going through this.  He did what he could.  And on a non-related side note… he was very handsome.
So I called these people.  Went through the whole drill and they will submit it to my bank.  But I still need to call another number she gave me and do it all again locally.  So… I have no idea how this shit is all going to pan out. 
All I know is, I can’t believe I’m living in this nightmare.  So if you know me personally and if I cry when I talk to you, please just bare with me because it’s something I can’t seem to control right now.

2 Responses to “Is It Called Release?”

  1. Nail Whore Says:

    Oh sweetie Im so sorry. I know how bad this stinks for you. Boy do i know…… Im keeping that # handy for myself too…. It sucks and I just dont know how to make me or you feel better…. Martinis?? ………?? fill in the blank_____________???? It hurts when we have worked so hard for so many years and this is what we get…. Fuck that bill collector..{not literally} I love you and we will get through this… I promise!

  2. Martini Girl Says:

    yeah I went to my parents house tonight to watch the debate and to shamefully pick up a check from them. I talked about my situation with them and of course, my voice cracked and tears came out again. This time anger came out with it. I started cussing and carrying on about the whole thing and how I’m surprised there isn’t riots in the streets yet. But what good what that do?

    Thanks for your support Barb. I know I can be strong and overcome it. I just got to get through the crying phase I guess.

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