Why I Am I An Idiot?

So remember this whole scenario of Oregon/Mystery man?  I have to admit I still think about him and the evening we met.  I’m really and truly kicking myself in the ass that I didn’t check to make sure he had my number correctly in his phone.  That I didn’t make him call my house after he programmed it so that I had his number on my caller ID.  That I didn’t find out his last name or the name of his business.  I just took it all for granted that I’d see him again for sure.  He wanted to take me out.  He asked if he could.  He ditched everyone at the bar to be with me.  He asked if I was interested.  He drug me out on the dance floor to slow dance.  He kissed me.  He stuck to me like glue the entire evening.  He was asking me questions that was obvious he wanted to get to know me.  Even Audra said in all her life she has never seen a man do that like he did with me ever.  She said she has never had that happen to her nor has she ever seen it happen to anyone else.  She said, “That man wanted you and had to have you!  He was tripping on his tongue over you.”
 
Remember I said I was just going to come out and ask the one girl for his number?  Well I did that a few weeks ago.  I just said fuck it and asked.  Of course she said she didn’t have it.  Both my friend Audra and I know that’s BS.  Then later that night Audra asked this dude Justin, who hangs with them where mystery man was and he said he thinks he went back to Flagstaff.  So of course I’m all bummed.  So it makes sense why we haven’t seen him.
 
Tonight Audra and I got to talking about it again.  So tonight she decided to call and leave a message for Bartender Jo (that chicks sister) because I remember mystery man telling me he grew up with her in Flagstaff.  Audra played the card of, “Hey what’s that guys number or the name of his business because I need some work done around my house and want to hire him and blah blah blah.”  She worded it much better of course.  We’ll see if she calls Audra back or not.  I told her that even though she sounded convincing on the message, Jo will probably see through it and not give you the information.  But, we’ll see.
 
I don’t know.  All I know is this guy was very into me.  And not just for sex.  It was different.  Even though I was totally playing it cool on the outside, I was very smitten myself.  Now all I do is wonder and curse myself.  I let this happen once before years and years ago and haven’t been able to find the guy since.  That was when I was 19.  This time, it feels even worse.  I’m not saying this guy is the one or anything like that, but there is something there.  Something different.  But I’m wondering if I’ll ever see him again.  Normally dates and meeting people come and go but this one is gnawing at me.
 
He was cute, he was in his 30’s, he had his own business, he was charming, he was funny, he was a gentleman, he was a great kisser, he was fun….. How in the hell did I let this happen yet again?????  *shakes fist*  I’m an idiot, idiot, idiot!
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