*sighs very heavily* Where on earth do I begin?? I was having a good night till I got a phone call from El Paso, TX. I saw on my caller ID that the area code was from El Paso and figured it may have been Donna’s father. So I answered it. I wish I hadn’t. It was my ex-best friend.
It’s a really, really long story as to why we are not friends anymore. Bottom line is she had pissed me off with some things she did and I had had it. I told her no to something and cancelled a trip that I had been planning with her and some other close friends about 4-5 years ago – it’s a really long story why and if you knew, you would have done the same. She was disappointed and I think shocked her when I said the hell with it. So about a month or two later, I did send a card/letter explaining it and apologizing if I came across as mean or whatever. No response. I sent her a package of goodies not long after that (stuff I was going to give them all on the trip). No response. Some months later I sent a Christmas card. No response. Fine. I can take a hint and so never attempted to talk with her again. Which severed a relationship I had with this woman since I was 14 years old.
So…. over the next few years she becomes friends with MY friends. Talking and visiting them. Real nice.
Then last year at almost this exact time I went to Texas and visited my friend Donna. Right before I left, Donna told me that she told this ex-friend that I was coming to town to see Donna. The ex-friend said, “Why??” in a sarcastic, snotty tone. I just laughed and thought, figures.
Cut to my recent news of Donna’s death this past October. I told her father that I would help him make a few phone calls to people that knew Donna and he was grateful. The ex-friend was on my list. I didn’t want to call her at all but I did. I felt she needed to know since she was friends with Donna too – through me. So I dial the number and she answered. When I told her who it was her tone changed and was like, “oh.” I begin by saying I can’t talk long because I can’t afford the long distance and that I had some bad news. I told her. Her reaction pissed. me. off. She was cold and unfeeling. The crap she was saying and her tone was just unbelievable to me. Same selfish bitch.
After I hung up I was furious. Other friends I shared that with said they weren’t surprised. One friend I was talking to about it asked what I expected. Oh I don’t know… maybe some compassion? Maybe a thank you for calling? Maybe a how is her family holding up? Or even maybe a phone call back to me after it had some time to sink in a few days later to say those things. So… in a few weeks I forgot about it. Now mind you, this is first time I had talked to her in about 4 or 5 years.
Now tonight this woman calls me on the phone out of the blue. Saying she had a moment to herself which is rare and she was just going down the list of friends to call since it’s the holidays and all. Well no, wait, the first thing she said was “I was calling to check up on you.” Uh…. calling to check up on me? She said, “Well you sounded pretty down the last time we talked.” Um…. yeah one of my best friends from high school had just committed suicide. How else am I suppose to sound?? Joyous??? “Well you said something like you couldn’t afford a phone bill.” Oh. my. gawd. That’s what she remembered from that phone call????? That’s what you think I was upset about? Or is this just some passive aggressive way of getting me to tell you what is going on in my life??
Of course I was cordial. I really was thinking of hanging up on her but curiosity got the best of me. It was so not worth it though. I should have hung up. The call was painful with long ass silences. I really wasn’t about to be all lovey dovey and ask her a bunch of fun “whatcha been up to” questions. I answered her questions. I really didn’t want to tell her my employment situation because it’s none of her damn, nosy business but I did anyway. She went on to tell me she has gone deaf in one ear and they don’t know the cause. Frankly I don’t give a shit. Her tone throughout the call was very, very serious. Like something was bothering her. Well I didn’t ask because frankly I don’t care. Of course there were no explanations of cutting me off, no apologies, nothing about Donna. Yeah.
Then we ended the call. Very cordial. I’m disgusted I was even that way with her seriously. But I’m just so not one of those people who are really quick and fast thinking on my feet with something to say that I should have. I never think of that stuff till later when it’s too late. I was a deer caught in the headlights with this call. But I’m posting that number on my phone and if I see it on caller ID ever again I won’t answer it again.
After getting that phone call my phone rang again and I see on the caller ID that it was a guy I’m planning to see Thursday night. Well I didn’t answer because I did not want my sour mood to come through on a nice guy who hasn’t met me yet. It makes me even more mad now that it spoiled me even enjoying answering the phone to talk to someone else.
Why oh why do the shit heads from my past – the ones who treated me like crap keep trying to get in touch with me lately??? Some ex-boyfriend has been doing it, a few backstabbing psycho women I used to work with are doing it and now this one. LEAVE ME ALONE! I do not need people like this in my life again. Especially right now. I have my own problems right now. You people had your chance, or should I say chances and you blew it. I am no longer the doormat I once was. I’m still a nice and very caring person but I’m selective on who gets that now. I usually give people chances because of course we are human and make mistakes, but when you continue to treat me like crap over and over and over I have to draw the line and when I do, it’s over.
I almost feel like that line from Godfather III – the one about me trying to leave and they pull me back in.