The amazing things customers say when they call the 800 number of a company….
Rep: “Thank you for calling *company name*, my name is *rep name*. To better assist you can I have your account number?”Cust: “Shut up and listen to me”
Rep: “In order to cancel your contract the company does request you put it in writing at this email address, firstname.lastname@example.org”Cust: “Someone from your company already gave that to me and it doesn’t work.”Rep: “Doesn’t work? Not sure what you mean, can you tell me what you mean?”Cust: “It doesn’t even come up when I type that.”Rep: *puzzled* “Doesn’t come up? Nothing should ‘come up’ when typing that email address.”Cust: “The page doesn’t work.”Rep: “That’s because it’s not a web address, it’s an email address m’am.”Cust: “No page comes up! I’m telling you it doesn’t work!”Rep: “That’s because you are not suppose to type it in a web url bar. You type in the TO box of a new email. It’s @ not http.”Cust. “oh”
Rep: “Thank you for calling *company name*, my name is *rep name*. To better assist you can I have your account number?”Cust: “Are you in the California office?”Rep: “No m’am, I am in Arizona.”Cust: “I want someone in California! and I keep getting people in AZ!”Rep: “It’s an 800 number and we have two call centers. The calls are going to randomly go where the availability is. But I’d be happy to help you, can I get…”Cust: “I need help! Why won’t anyone help me?”Rep: “I’d be happy to help you today. What can I help you with?”Cust: *starts sobbing uncontrollably* “Why won’t you people help me???????” *customer hangs up*
Rep: “Are you calling to renew your contract today?”Cust: “Only if you make it worth my while and give me a discount. You guys gave me crappy service 6 months ago when you replaced my *insert product here* with a piece of junk that is nowhere near as good as the original one I had.”Rep: “I do apologize for that sir. Unfortunately, we do not discount contracts.”Cust: “Well I’m mad, you should give me something! Go ask your supervisor.”Rep: *comes back on the line after talking with supervisor* “At this time my supervisor cannot provide any type of discounts, coupons or credits to your service. We don’t do that for any customers for their contracts. We only give out service coupons when there are mistakes made on claims only”Cust: “You people fucking suck! Tell your supervisor I think you guys have a really shitty company! You people just laugh and treat your customers like shit!”Rep: “Again my apologies, our hands are tied when it comes to the contract. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”Cust: “Yeah, I want to renew my contract for another year.” *yes he really did renew too*