I tried going to bed early tonight. Not really early but just a bit early and all I did was toss and turn. I feel restless. I can’t stop moving my legs and feet and I noticed yesterday and today I can’t seem to sit still. My rear feels like it’s falling asleep and I have these urges to get up and walk, move, run, anything but sitting or laying or standing still. I think it’s some sort of anxiety. I had this once before when there was a lot of major things/stresses going on in my life and at the time my Doctor told me it was anxiety.
I don’t understand why. I have a job now, I’m able to keep my home so I should be feeling secure. All this change has messed me up or something. Maybe I’m scared I can still lose it all or something. Maybe I’m not feeling satisfied with my life or something.
I’m laying in my bed and even the nice breeze, wind chimes or the fighter pilots overhead are not lulling me to sleep like they usually do. I can’t lay still and I’m throwing the sheets on me then off me. I’m on my side, my back, my stomach, my other side and on and on. I don’t feel safe. Something’s missing. Why am I anxious now?
**Update: It’s just after 3am and I have tossed and turned all night without any sleep. I have to get up in two hours and I have my first training class. Brilliant. Just brilliant.