I Thought Everyone Would Be Rushing to Help

sadbrideIt’s funny how after I got engaged I thought it would be more fun, as a girl anyway.  You know, the looking through Brides magazines, having a shower, making engagement pictures, registering, shopping for things like the dress, the shoes the veil, picking my colors and theme and such.  Yet it has been the loneliest engagement.

My fiancée is in another state getting things wrapped up so we haven’t been together.  Just a small trip where we got the marriage licensee together.  We were supposed to have a friend take some pictures for us during that trip as well so we could use as engagement pictures here but that seemed to not materialize after she offered to do it for us.  It was doubly sad because I figured it would be some time for her and my guy get to know each other a bit.  Had I known it was an empty offer, I would have then made plans with someone else and then I would have engagement pictures.

My mom has been sick.  So she just didn’t have the energy, desire or just feel well enough to be involved in anything.  Even though finally my mom has gotten better and has more of her energy back, she still doesn’t seem to be reaching out to do things with me about the wedding.  I call and she doesn’t call back.  She doesn’t seem to ask me much about the wedding plans or just call or email me much.  I really don’t know why.  Most of my engagement she was sick – so I did everything by myself or had my fiancée help me through long distance emails or calls in helping to pick things out.  But it just isn’t the same with him not here.

So I registered by myself at the stores.  It would have been nice to share that with someone like a friend or my mom or my fiancée.  I can’t even do anything with my future sister in law or mother in law as they live overseas.

None of my personal friends offered to throw me a shower.  A couple of co-workers from work offered and are going to do it.  It just surprised me that my friends didn’t offer.  At one point I asked my mom if we could have the shower at her and my dad’s place.  They have the perfect home and space for entertaining and she seemed to not like that idea at all and tried to get me to look at different restaurants to host the shower at.  So again, something else I was to research on my own.  Something I should not be researching for the bridal shower.  To be honest that sort of made me mad.  I don’t want my guests to pay for food when they are buying me a wedding gift for my shower so just told the hostess let’s have it at her place.  My place is too small.  That honestly bothered me that my mom didn’t want it at her house.  Maybe my mom is just too tired and old and so she just doesn’t want to do this stuff.

Then I was supposed to go hunting for my cowboy boots to wear with the wedding dress this weekend.  My friend offered to do that with me.  Sounds like fun right?  So when the time came it didn’t happen again.  So I went by myself as usual.  All of my life I do seem to do things alone.  I guess I’m going to shop by myself for my dress and veil too.  I’m sure when people come to find out I picked out my dress and veil without asking them, they’ll seem all hurt and shocked I didn’t ask them.

Maybe I’m being selfish or uber sensitive.  I don’t know.  I don’t get it.  I thought when a lady gets engaged, her friends and family gush and rush to do these things with her and want to share in these things.  I just don’t know.  I get that the world can’t revolve around me and other people have their own problems and lives and all.  I get that.  I guess I’m just mistaken about how this was supposed to go and I’m really getting emotional about it.  Maybe it’s my hormones.  Maybe I just got married too late in life when everyone is older and on with their lives too deeply.  I’m sure had I been in my 20’s maybe it would be different.  Maybe I expect too much.  Whatever it is, it still hurts my feelings.

What’s Next?

Just got an email from my mom saying they are going to Vegas.  They leave Monday, the day of my birthday.  I think this is the 2nd year in a row they have gone to Vegas on my birthday.  I hate to sound selfish but it bothers me.  Especially now.  Just seems to be the icing on the cake these days.  Why does it seem every year for the last few years my birthday has been depressing?  I am seriously getting to the point where I really can’t stand my birthday.

*UPDATE:  My parents didn’t go to Vegas after all because I misread the email.  I’m a big baby!

Facebook – Friend or Foe?

I still have mixed feelings about FB.  I still really don’t care for it yet I have given it a fair chance.  Been adding people I know currently and in the past.  From jobs and now have been adding relatives.  I still like Twitter and blogging much, much better.  Yes FB can help you connect but I still hate all the bragging and nosiness it reeks of.

One thing in particular has been bothering me lately.  Seeing everyone with their kids.  I can’t help but feel sad every time I see one of my friends with a new baby or showing pictures of the kiddies in their accomplishments or cute swimsuits.  Of course I’m very happy for them, don’t get me wrong.  It’s just more reminders that I am turning another year older in just a little over a month and still childless.  I never married and so time is ticking away and I get this really heavy sinking feeling that I’m going to be denied the chance to be a mother at this point.  Birth is a miracle I’m not going to experience along with little arms reaching around my neck for a hug or an I love you mommy whispered in my ear.  I won’t have someone to help grow up and shape into a great human being to cheer them on in their accomplishments and comfort them in their woes.

It makes having FB hard to look at sometimes because everyone I know has kids.  Everyone.  Every single person I know.  It hurts knowing that I may not even get the opportunity.  If given the opportunity today, am I too old at this point?  Is it too late for me?  It makes me ask, if I don’t get to have children then what do I get in return?

Cure For Cat Mats?

I went cheap one day and bought a low-cost never heard of crap brand of cat food.  I have been feeding my cat the stuff probably around two months.  Well one day, I suddenly noticed she had a bunch of nasty fur mats on both of her sides.  Ugh.  These were big nasty ones too.

Now my cat is long hair so from time to time she’ll get one here and there and I can usually cut them out.  I don’t brush her on a regular basis like I am supposed to.  My bad.  But I never have seen matting on her like this.  My guess was the cheap food that was contributing.  That’s what I get for being cheap.

So of course I immediately switched back to IAMS brand.  The problem though is those mats.  I can barely touch them without her biting at me.  I’m guessing they hurt.  I can’t cut them out, they are too close to the skin and she won’t let me near em.  No way brushing will help.

Lola is NOT keen on groomers or vets either.  Plus I really don’t have money for them to do it.  Then I found one little forum that suggested putting oil on them and how that works.  They were swearing by it.

I decided to use olive oil.  Sure enough, two days later I found one mat on the floor and the other three got loose enough away from the skin for me to cut them out.  The oil makes the cat lick and pull at the mats quite a bit, so eventually they pull them out themselves.  She still has quite a few left so now I have to oil those.

The downside of course is now her fur is greasy as hell!  I just know she will NOT want me to bathe her.  I’ll have to cross that bridge later, right now I need to get the rest of her big nasty mats out.  At least I found something that works.

Like Father Like Daughter

I tend to repeat myself a lot.  I tell the same stories or opinions over and over.  I take after my dad.  He has said the same things over and over so I know all of his stories and rants by heart. 
 
Tonight I was giving Rambo the low down on that housing bubble and why it’s so fucked up.  He said, “You seem to like to remind of this often.  What are you trying to do?  Indoctrinate me?”
 
Yup.  hahahaha
 
I can’t help it.  I just tend to repeat my stories and opinions.  I’m sure I drive my friends and co-workers nuts.

Thanksgiving Day Plans Update

Since my parents are in Vegas, one of my friends Lisa who just came back from Italy (the one I was cat sitting for) decided to scrap her plans to drive to California to be with her aunt and uncle and prepare a Thanksgiving for her and I.  I thought that was very sweet.  I told her over and over not to cancel her original plans but she insisted.  She said really wanted to do it.
 
So…. she ordered a turkey dinner from Boston Market for us to enjoy.  Not too glamorous but decent and affordable and includes turkey and the basic sides like stuffing, mashed potatoes, rolls and so on.  Plus she is making some extra things like pumpkin pie, lots of appetizers and shrimp and such.  I invited my other friend from work – I’ll call her Jersey Girl but she isn’t feeling up to it.  Lisa and I were bummed but I do get wanting to be alone sometimes.  I’ll try one more time to convince her to come before I leave.
 
I won’t be heading over there till around 5pm because she said everything won’t be ready till 5:30 pm.  I told her not to kill herself trying to make everything so perfect.  “I know you!”  She laughed and said, yeah you sure do.  I’m the same way so I know she’s trying to make the table look nice, making sure she has enough food, making sure the house is spotless, picking out mood music and cocktails.  lol  I do appreciate the effort though.  I’ll be bringing stuff to make a salad and a coffee table book as a gift.
 
She has a beautiful home, she’s a great hostess and single like me.  I’m actually looking forward to spending the time there with a nice dinner, cocktails and single girl talk in a cozy house.  It was incredibly nice of her to do this. 
 
Sometimes I feel really blessed.  I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.  Good friends who really care about me.  My health.  My parents.  Being employed!!!  Having my home.  And being in love with a great guy.  I will be saying a special prayer this evening with giving thanks to all of those things.
 
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.

Thanksgiving Plans

My parents are bailing on me this year and headed to Las Vegas.  They got some free rooms so they are heading out tomorrow I think and won’t be back till Friday.
 
Me… I have no idea what I’ll do.  I guess I’ll clean and put up Christmas decorations and the tree.  I used to go to Luby’s for a pretty awesome take out Thanksgiving dinner whenever I was alone.  But they closed all the Luby’s down in Arizona.  Maybe I can get a Mimi’s Cafe one to go.
 
I thought about volunteering my time to a shelter or place where they serve food to the homeless but I’m guessing I’m too late now since I didn’t start looking into that sooner.
 
I’m also kind of in the mood to shop but there is no way in hell I’m leaving the house on Fri, Sat or Sun.  You people are nuts!  I must remember to get some groceries and things ahead of time to be prepared.  Crap – I need to do that tomorrow!  Wed evening will be busy with last min turkey and stuffing shoppers.
 
Jeez, it’s really Thanksgiving this week??  That snuck up on me.  That seriously did.  Guess I need to get my Christmas cards done too.