I Thought Everyone Would Be Rushing to Help

sadbrideIt’s funny how after I got engaged I thought it would be more fun, as a girl anyway.  You know, the looking through Brides magazines, having a shower, making engagement pictures, registering, shopping for things like the dress, the shoes the veil, picking my colors and theme and such.  Yet it has been the loneliest engagement.

My fiancée is in another state getting things wrapped up so we haven’t been together.  Just a small trip where we got the marriage licensee together.  We were supposed to have a friend take some pictures for us during that trip as well so we could use as engagement pictures here but that seemed to not materialize after she offered to do it for us.  It was doubly sad because I figured it would be some time for her and my guy get to know each other a bit.  Had I known it was an empty offer, I would have then made plans with someone else and then I would have engagement pictures.

My mom has been sick.  So she just didn’t have the energy, desire or just feel well enough to be involved in anything.  Even though finally my mom has gotten better and has more of her energy back, she still doesn’t seem to be reaching out to do things with me about the wedding.  I call and she doesn’t call back.  She doesn’t seem to ask me much about the wedding plans or just call or email me much.  I really don’t know why.  Most of my engagement she was sick – so I did everything by myself or had my fiancée help me through long distance emails or calls in helping to pick things out.  But it just isn’t the same with him not here.

So I registered by myself at the stores.  It would have been nice to share that with someone like a friend or my mom or my fiancée.  I can’t even do anything with my future sister in law or mother in law as they live overseas.

None of my personal friends offered to throw me a shower.  A couple of co-workers from work offered and are going to do it.  It just surprised me that my friends didn’t offer.  At one point I asked my mom if we could have the shower at her and my dad’s place.  They have the perfect home and space for entertaining and she seemed to not like that idea at all and tried to get me to look at different restaurants to host the shower at.  So again, something else I was to research on my own.  Something I should not be researching for the bridal shower.  To be honest that sort of made me mad.  I don’t want my guests to pay for food when they are buying me a wedding gift for my shower so just told the hostess let’s have it at her place.  My place is too small.  That honestly bothered me that my mom didn’t want it at her house.  Maybe my mom is just too tired and old and so she just doesn’t want to do this stuff.

Then I was supposed to go hunting for my cowboy boots to wear with the wedding dress this weekend.  My friend offered to do that with me.  Sounds like fun right?  So when the time came it didn’t happen again.  So I went by myself as usual.  All of my life I do seem to do things alone.  I guess I’m going to shop by myself for my dress and veil too.  I’m sure when people come to find out I picked out my dress and veil without asking them, they’ll seem all hurt and shocked I didn’t ask them.

Maybe I’m being selfish or uber sensitive.  I don’t know.  I don’t get it.  I thought when a lady gets engaged, her friends and family gush and rush to do these things with her and want to share in these things.  I just don’t know.  I get that the world can’t revolve around me and other people have their own problems and lives and all.  I get that.  I guess I’m just mistaken about how this was supposed to go and I’m really getting emotional about it.  Maybe it’s my hormones.  Maybe I just got married too late in life when everyone is older and on with their lives too deeply.  I’m sure had I been in my 20’s maybe it would be different.  Maybe I expect too much.  Whatever it is, it still hurts my feelings.

Facebook – Friend or Foe?

I still have mixed feelings about FB.  I still really don’t care for it yet I have given it a fair chance.  Been adding people I know currently and in the past.  From jobs and now have been adding relatives.  I still like Twitter and blogging much, much better.  Yes FB can help you connect but I still hate all the bragging and nosiness it reeks of.

One thing in particular has been bothering me lately.  Seeing everyone with their kids.  I can’t help but feel sad every time I see one of my friends with a new baby or showing pictures of the kiddies in their accomplishments or cute swimsuits.  Of course I’m very happy for them, don’t get me wrong.  It’s just more reminders that I am turning another year older in just a little over a month and still childless.  I never married and so time is ticking away and I get this really heavy sinking feeling that I’m going to be denied the chance to be a mother at this point.  Birth is a miracle I’m not going to experience along with little arms reaching around my neck for a hug or an I love you mommy whispered in my ear.  I won’t have someone to help grow up and shape into a great human being to cheer them on in their accomplishments and comfort them in their woes.

It makes having FB hard to look at sometimes because everyone I know has kids.  Everyone.  Every single person I know.  It hurts knowing that I may not even get the opportunity.  If given the opportunity today, am I too old at this point?  Is it too late for me?  It makes me ask, if I don’t get to have children then what do I get in return?

Territory Marking

I was going to write this whole post on this and title it “We’ll Call Him Mr. El Paso” with a whole explanation of the title too but decided that a picture is worth a thousand words instead.  I copied this from my Facebook Wall.  Of course I changed the names to protect the innocent.

Can I just say that I really love men?

In The Words of Chris Rock….

You are SUPPOSE to do the right thing!  What do you want?  A cookie?
 
I swear some men have some frigging nerve.  I love how men I have met on dating sites, talk to on the phone or gone on dates with treat me the way they do and then come crawling back days, weeks or even months later EXPECTING me to fall over, thank my lucky stars that they are contacting me again and then SURPRISED when I tell them get lost and that I don’t tolerate being treated as 2nd best.  They are actually flabbergasted. 
 
Then what’s worse to me is how they will admit their mistakes and expect all this recognition for admitting it.  They actually act stunned I’m not all impressed and forgiving.  Like they deserve a trophy for “admitting” they fucked up.  “But… but…. I’m admitting to you I fucked up!”  Yeah so?  That should be rewarded?  I should fall at your feet?  How about doing the right thing in the first place assclowns.  Then to top it off, they try and turn it all around on me like I’M the heartless bad guy.  How about instead of dwelling (which they do big time) on the fact you aren’t getting a cookie for your honesty of fucking up, you try now proving your ass worthy from this point forward.

Tap, Tap… Is This Thing On?

So my girl Barbi is telling me to basically get off my ass and blog some more.  That the mushy Rambo posts are too much to bare.  LOL She’s right, I’ve been a lazy blogger.  Even with a new look on the blog, which is fabulous I might add, I am still lazy.  Been tweeting here and there but lazy on that too!  I guess I need a cell phone so I can tweet more.  ha!  I’ll probably get one, one of these days.
 
I decided to make this blog public again and so I made it searchable in search engines again.  That may bring some new readers.  I miss getting the random comments from people who stumble upon my little world in bloggdom.  In case some of you didn’t know, I also have a Beauty/Makeup blog and also a Beauty/Makeup channel on Youtube.  So feel free to check those out and subscribe to my channel.  Yay for girly shit!
 
Not too much going on with me.  Still single and fabulous.  Still need to lose weight.  Still working (thank goodness).  Still looking for a better job that pays more though.  The salary I’m making now is what I made in 96 so yeah…. not really covering all my living expenses.  It is… but… I’m constantly broke and having to watch my money.  If something were to break down, I wouldn’t have the money.  The only thing I really can afford extra is my nails and makeup and quite frankly, I need to chill on that.  Buying too much makeup these days.
 
Haven’t done much of anything to tell you the truth.  Been living a pretty boring life these days.  This is why I haven’t blogged too much.  But.. boring is better than bad right?

Thanksgiving Day Plans Update

Since my parents are in Vegas, one of my friends Lisa who just came back from Italy (the one I was cat sitting for) decided to scrap her plans to drive to California to be with her aunt and uncle and prepare a Thanksgiving for her and I.  I thought that was very sweet.  I told her over and over not to cancel her original plans but she insisted.  She said really wanted to do it.
 
So…. she ordered a turkey dinner from Boston Market for us to enjoy.  Not too glamorous but decent and affordable and includes turkey and the basic sides like stuffing, mashed potatoes, rolls and so on.  Plus she is making some extra things like pumpkin pie, lots of appetizers and shrimp and such.  I invited my other friend from work – I’ll call her Jersey Girl but she isn’t feeling up to it.  Lisa and I were bummed but I do get wanting to be alone sometimes.  I’ll try one more time to convince her to come before I leave.
 
I won’t be heading over there till around 5pm because she said everything won’t be ready till 5:30 pm.  I told her not to kill herself trying to make everything so perfect.  “I know you!”  She laughed and said, yeah you sure do.  I’m the same way so I know she’s trying to make the table look nice, making sure she has enough food, making sure the house is spotless, picking out mood music and cocktails.  lol  I do appreciate the effort though.  I’ll be bringing stuff to make a salad and a coffee table book as a gift.
 
She has a beautiful home, she’s a great hostess and single like me.  I’m actually looking forward to spending the time there with a nice dinner, cocktails and single girl talk in a cozy house.  It was incredibly nice of her to do this. 
 
Sometimes I feel really blessed.  I have a lot to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.  Good friends who really care about me.  My health.  My parents.  Being employed!!!  Having my home.  And being in love with a great guy.  I will be saying a special prayer this evening with giving thanks to all of those things.
 
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone.

Simple and Sweet

I went on a date Thurs night with a pretty nice guy.  This is the one I think I mentioned in an earlier post and how he was active in his church.  After a few emails and phone calls he took me out to a really nice little pizza place in Scottsdale.  Outstanding service I might add. 
 
It was a nice and simple date.  The atmosphere nice.  The weather nice.  The food was good.  And we had a nice conversation.  No awkward moments and no red flags.  We seemed to have a lot in common.  What threw me is he is also a professional trainer for his company.  But I’m sure he makes bigger bucks than I do though.  He trains people how to make and assemble medical devices.
 
Not a bad looking fellow either.  He said I looked very pretty last night and that I not only look like my pictures but even better in person.
 
He was a gentleman the whole night.  After dinner we took a walk around the shopping area and movie theatre.  Then he walked me to my car and he did the polite thing which was hug me instead of kissing me.  I didn’t mind that.  After the hug, he didn’t waste any time booking the next date and asked me if I’d like to do something with him on Sunday.  I said yes.