I Thought Everyone Would Be Rushing to Help

sadbrideIt’s funny how after I got engaged I thought it would be more fun, as a girl anyway.  You know, the looking through Brides magazines, having a shower, making engagement pictures, registering, shopping for things like the dress, the shoes the veil, picking my colors and theme and such.  Yet it has been the loneliest engagement.

My fiancée is in another state getting things wrapped up so we haven’t been together.  Just a small trip where we got the marriage licensee together.  We were supposed to have a friend take some pictures for us during that trip as well so we could use as engagement pictures here but that seemed to not materialize after she offered to do it for us.  It was doubly sad because I figured it would be some time for her and my guy get to know each other a bit.  Had I known it was an empty offer, I would have then made plans with someone else and then I would have engagement pictures.

My mom has been sick.  So she just didn’t have the energy, desire or just feel well enough to be involved in anything.  Even though finally my mom has gotten better and has more of her energy back, she still doesn’t seem to be reaching out to do things with me about the wedding.  I call and she doesn’t call back.  She doesn’t seem to ask me much about the wedding plans or just call or email me much.  I really don’t know why.  Most of my engagement she was sick – so I did everything by myself or had my fiancée help me through long distance emails or calls in helping to pick things out.  But it just isn’t the same with him not here.

So I registered by myself at the stores.  It would have been nice to share that with someone like a friend or my mom or my fiancée.  I can’t even do anything with my future sister in law or mother in law as they live overseas.

None of my personal friends offered to throw me a shower.  A couple of co-workers from work offered and are going to do it.  It just surprised me that my friends didn’t offer.  At one point I asked my mom if we could have the shower at her and my dad’s place.  They have the perfect home and space for entertaining and she seemed to not like that idea at all and tried to get me to look at different restaurants to host the shower at.  So again, something else I was to research on my own.  Something I should not be researching for the bridal shower.  To be honest that sort of made me mad.  I don’t want my guests to pay for food when they are buying me a wedding gift for my shower so just told the hostess let’s have it at her place.  My place is too small.  That honestly bothered me that my mom didn’t want it at her house.  Maybe my mom is just too tired and old and so she just doesn’t want to do this stuff.

Then I was supposed to go hunting for my cowboy boots to wear with the wedding dress this weekend.  My friend offered to do that with me.  Sounds like fun right?  So when the time came it didn’t happen again.  So I went by myself as usual.  All of my life I do seem to do things alone.  I guess I’m going to shop by myself for my dress and veil too.  I’m sure when people come to find out I picked out my dress and veil without asking them, they’ll seem all hurt and shocked I didn’t ask them.

Maybe I’m being selfish or uber sensitive.  I don’t know.  I don’t get it.  I thought when a lady gets engaged, her friends and family gush and rush to do these things with her and want to share in these things.  I just don’t know.  I get that the world can’t revolve around me and other people have their own problems and lives and all.  I get that.  I guess I’m just mistaken about how this was supposed to go and I’m really getting emotional about it.  Maybe it’s my hormones.  Maybe I just got married too late in life when everyone is older and on with their lives too deeply.  I’m sure had I been in my 20’s maybe it would be different.  Maybe I expect too much.  Whatever it is, it still hurts my feelings.


Facebook – Friend or Foe?

I still have mixed feelings about FB.  I still really don’t care for it yet I have given it a fair chance.  Been adding people I know currently and in the past.  From jobs and now have been adding relatives.  I still like Twitter and blogging much, much better.  Yes FB can help you connect but I still hate all the bragging and nosiness it reeks of.

One thing in particular has been bothering me lately.  Seeing everyone with their kids.  I can’t help but feel sad every time I see one of my friends with a new baby or showing pictures of the kiddies in their accomplishments or cute swimsuits.  Of course I’m very happy for them, don’t get me wrong.  It’s just more reminders that I am turning another year older in just a little over a month and still childless.  I never married and so time is ticking away and I get this really heavy sinking feeling that I’m going to be denied the chance to be a mother at this point.  Birth is a miracle I’m not going to experience along with little arms reaching around my neck for a hug or an I love you mommy whispered in my ear.  I won’t have someone to help grow up and shape into a great human being to cheer them on in their accomplishments and comfort them in their woes.

It makes having FB hard to look at sometimes because everyone I know has kids.  Everyone.  Every single person I know.  It hurts knowing that I may not even get the opportunity.  If given the opportunity today, am I too old at this point?  Is it too late for me?  It makes me ask, if I don’t get to have children then what do I get in return?

Captain America Strikes Again

What part of me ignoring you don’t you understand?  This jerk contacted me yet again.  He reaches out to me on LinkedIn (a career networking site) again.  His lovely message said;

“Just accept already, it won’t kill you.”

Mmm… how can I resist such a heartfelt invitation?  Because he’s asking so nice.  How about starting with an apology from the crappy way you treated me?  How about starting there?

I think he is divorced now.  No big surprise to me there because I’m sure he’s still an asshole thinking he’s God’s gift.  I just don’t get it.  Why does he give a shit I’m connected with him on that site or FB?  There is no benefit.

I’m tempted to respond and tell him to kiss off since he seems to be so dense.  But I really don’t want to.  Ignoring him for the fourth time now should be enough of hint.  I REALLY HATE seeing his name come up in my Inbox.   Man…. seriously leave me alone!

I’m Looking for a Brown Knuckled Woman

For the last few years I have noticed that my knuckles or rather the skin in between each knuckle on my right hand have these dry dark patches.  I have NO idea what they are from.  It’s only on my right hand.  I noticed being out in the sun more makes them darker.  Like they tan 10 times faster than the rest of my skin.   Even Rambo noticed it when I visited because they were darker.

It makes me think I’m some weird carnival freak show or something that makes me stand out and that line from the Princess Bride comes to mind, “I’m looking for a six fingered man.”  But instead it should be, “I’m looking for a brown knuckled woman.”

What the hell is that man??????  Google was no help at all.  I do nothing with my hand that would create these dark dry patches of skin.  Nothing makes them go away either.   It’s one of those WTF mysteries of life.  Kind of like when you think you hear the phone ringing when you use a blow dryer or when you feel like an ant or mosquito is biting you but you look at your arm and NOTHING is there.  I think it’s the devil.  It’s the devil doing these WTF things. Read the rest of this entry »

They Held On…

So I went to the grocery store tonight and noticed that the Blockbuster on the corner has a big banner hanging up saying that location will be closing.  I wondered for a long, long time now how they have managed to hang on for so long.  I should have gone in there now that I think about it to see what the prices were on things they are getting rid of.  Hmm..
I keep wondering when K-mart will start closing it’s doors as well.  That would be a shame though because I do like K-mart.  I actually went in there not too long ago and I must say the prices and the clothes they had were really decent.  I bought a really pretty purple sweater and when I wore it to work I got a lot of compliments on it.  Their clothes are MUCH better than some of these other places.  I hate that America feels that they all need to shop at douche ass Wal-Mart.  I know it’s a matter of time when K-mart shuts down because they just don’t have the traffic like Wally world.  Total shame too.  Their prices and merchandise are just as good.  They STILL have layaway.  And because they are a part of Sears, they have appliances now – all the Kenmore brand too which is a really decent brand. 

Is There Any Sign YET?

Has this or will this economy get any better yet?????  It’s been forever and all I continue to see is the price of gas sky rocket, other costs go up and the housing values continue to go down.  Are there any frigid jobs yet?  I have seriously had enough, I’m so over it.  For me and some of my friends it has seemed twice as long and twice as grueling since we were directly effected by it.  Done. Done.  Done!


I was just staring at my September flowers post and I must say they are some pretty flowers.  I would love to get a big bunch of purple asters like the ones I have pictured.  How different that would be.  How original and pretty they would be.  *sigh* flowers…. I wish I was on the receiving end of them.